Sunday, October 30, 2011

Seven Deadly Sinners – The fire breathing Dragons

There was a man who’s name was Ire,
All he did was blow steam and fire,
He could not stand astray, be it the lazy, the cheat or the liar!
He loved his job so much, nothing else he deemed require.

One fine day he woke and found himself all alone,
He looked around and found no Jane or Joan.
He did not know whether to scream or groan.
So Ire directed his entire wrath to his own!

We all know someone at work with a short temper. There are two types of people who fall under the wrath category. The first type in this pigeonhole is the highly dramatic. They enjoy screaming and shouting (at least in seems that way). Although they tend to frighten you more, these are the lesser harmful of the two. ‘Dogs that bark do not bite’, Ok! So I used a lame dialogue from a B grade Bollywood flick! But you have to go to the coal mines to find the diamonds (ok redundancy is not a sin!). Making a public scene is almost a reason these people wake-up with a smile in the morning (it all boils down to that doesn’t it?).

The second type of wrath is the more silent but dangerous of the lot.
Almost psychopathic!
 These people fulminate inside, but don’t show it. They do not vent anger. They Pile it up and all this pent up energy then turns into a “grudge” which is held against you for the rest of your life (ok! Rest of your life in the company). Several lacerations are now dispensed in minute but significant amounts at regular intervals. (Yes! Like a chemical formula)

 There is no way of dealing with either of these personalities but to accept and live with it. But they are always fun to watch when you are not a victim of their highly extreme emotions.  

Never endured wrath? Send your Cvs to

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Seven Cardinal Workplace Personalities

Project 2, will be a combined effort. Apparently I’ve propagated a couple of Shakespeare and Tolstoys into the blogosphere (which I’m mostly proud of!). I’m only worried the Frankenstein I’ve created is much better than me. And so I’m going to Capitalize on that fear and Enter into this blogaboration with Jack (name withheld for Privacy reasons).

Project Dos (If you read the previous blogs u know what that means!) is the workplace version of the Seven Cardinal Sins! While this phrase seems like these characteristics in a person would generally be frowned upon, every office definitely has seven such “deadly” characters. Each one of us has interacted with all seven of these characters at work. For all you know you are probably one of these stooges.

The next few articles will cover in detail each of these characters namely, wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. We don’t give any advice on how to tackle them, or win their hearts, that’s something you’ll have to figure out yourself. Ours is just a reflection of reality (or atleast its what we think it is).

So Without any further adieu we present to you “The Seven Cardinal Workplace Personalities”

Don’t know even one of these characters? Send your CV to

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

# 9 Ennia

(The below article is not by me... its by someone i look up to and have oodles of respect for! I couldn't think of a better way of wrapping this project up! Thank you Jack)

For a Grande finale I have decided to change the tempo and get back to basics … Greek numerals seemed fitting and no 9 an apt culmination of commandments (the nine muses as per the Greek mythology!) rather than the conveniently biblical no 10!  

 I have always found myself awestruck with Greeks; mythology, culture, food, and habits… What any semi-intellectual can tell you is that the origin of almost any modern English word is Greek. To me, the most remarkable Greek lingual invention is the list of phobias! Apparently, they came up with words to represent any fear you could possibly imagine, including Allodoxaphobia which stands for fear of opinions, and Papaphobia referring to fear of the pope (which is very understandable for a Greek!).

What strikes me odd is the fact that a populace of gay lovers who invented a list of phobias managed to rule half of the globe for many centuries, and still had the time to come up with the longest acknowledged stories in known history and pass it on through generations!  How did they do that!? THEY HAD DAY JOBS! Whether it was soldiery, farming, prostitution… they rode (literally for the later!) their day jobs and listened to good old Homer later at night!   Think of Spartans and Athenians! Ancient civilizations that shaped the world of today… Each individual knew exactly what his/her role was and they worked in tandem!

Another great Greek culturist accomplishment was the salad! A superb recipe of lettuce, vegetables, and light feta cheese, with a boring vinaigrette dressing! You can see the CHEESE, you can taste the CHEESE, you can enjoy the CHEESE, but you can still have it for dinner and sleep like a baby! Comparing that to the extra cheesy roman pasta recipes, you might start getting my point (or not, so I will spoonfeed!). Try having macaroni and cheese for dinner! Italian CHEESE makes you insomniac, but that doesn’t matter when you are Italian coz you do not have to wake up in the morning! You can be 35 with big dreams driving your daddy’s Alfa Romeo and planning to open your deli or shoe store and never have to work again for CHEESE!

Back to lingual, Insomnia is derived from another phobia, Somniphobia! Unsurprisingly, this is the only phobia that was not originated by the Greeks, rather by Romans referring to Somnus, the Roman god of sleep.
For all medicinal laymen, it is worth noting that the long term downbeat effects of Insomnia have been scientifically proven to be deteriorating to your health and general wellbeing!    

In a nutshell, stick to your day jobs, enjoy your CHEESE (the kind that makes you sleep at night), and sleep with the gods of Olympus smiling down at you!

If you want to sleep at night, send your CVs to

All hail Zeus!

Monday, October 24, 2011

#8 Ocho

I was just reading my “Exploring the International Business Environment” course book and I came across a para… (Well… it was the first para)
A famous scene in the film Lawrence of Arabia illustrates the typical managerial responses often observed when companies face an unknown or changing situation. While Lawrence and a fellow traveler rest in the desert, a tiny dot becomes visible on the horizon, growing larger as it approaches. At this stage, the horizon seems far away, but they do not know what the spectre is and their curiosity holds them. They watch, and wait. They hardly speak, they just stand there, not knowing what to do about the approaching phenomenon. Eventually, the unknown object is recognized: a man approaching on a camel. Still, the uncertainty continues, as the man’s identity is a mystery. They remain fixed, not knowing who it is or what they should do. Finally, Lawrence’s fellow traveler, suspecting that something terrible is about to happen, reaches for his revolver. Before he can lift it, the unknown man shoots him. Walking over to the body, he says: ‘He’s dead.’

Lawrence replies: ‘Yes … why?’

Though it had nothing to do with my scope of exhortation with regards to this blog, it struck me as an interesting debate to convince you people of one more point that we can give to having a job. As clear as dishwater as it is this entire para apparently tried to convey the message of ambiguity (in more ways than one for sure =P). That’s how the life of a businessman is… vague… with regards to the economy, his future, his products hell evens his employees! Those clearly mapped out daily, weekly and monthly targets don’t look so bad any more now do they?? 

Want a lucid future? Send your CV’s to

Sunday, October 23, 2011

# 7 Siete

So advancing the mise-en-scene of “heart breaks”, here’s a more obvious advantage of being in a job as opposed to being in a business!

The human mind works in odd ways. The more taboo a certain act is considered, the more the mind is ambushed towards contesting it. In this instance the taboo would be office romance. Having crushes at your workplace is more than habitual. Considering you spend 50% of your day there (and the other 50% worrying about it), it would be odd if you weren’t attracted to someone or the other at some point of time.

But what happens when the crush is mutual? It leads to an affair. And as the Murphy’s Law holds, a break-up is almost certain (call me a pessimist… But I have my statistics in place!). Distance makes the heart fonder but absence makes the heart wander! The best way to get over a break up is to avoid eye contact (or in some cases vocal contact)! Now the situation gets extremely awkward if you’re working together and you have to look at each other for official reasons.
Having a job gives you an extra edge here… Coz you can just quit and go look for another job. What will you do if you own the business? Fire your ex (you apathetic creep?)? Close the business down? All these sound to me like ivory tower options that in most cases cannot be carried out at ease!

So go out there and have an affair to remember! Coz you always have an exit strategy!! ;)

Looking for a new job coz you just broke up?? Send your CV’s to

#6 Seis

Notice how so many people keep going on and on about being heart-broken these days? To me the entire concept of clich├ęd sad love songs, ice cream and romantic movies seems extremely corny and unoriginal! If you were actually “heart-broken” you’d be DEAD! So wake up, get real and MOVE ON!

Most of us have had experiences in break-ups! You’ve definitely been at the receiving end in most cases, and at the giving end in some apparently fortunate cases. Well the moment of delivering the news is probably the most tormenting of the entire process. Firing someone from a job can be considered an utterly similar course, if not more painful.

 If you’re the owner, more often than not, you’ll have to do the “dirty job” of firing someone at some point or the other. Then there’s a lot of cursing and drama that follows! And all you can possibly do is nod your head in agreement or throw in an “I understand”, the remotest negativity can get you labeled an “apathetic fool” all your life (at least until your business lasts – considering ur firing people doesn’t seem like you have a lifetime anyways).

So keeping it really short and simple this time… Coz the frontal lobe of the extremely unique brain is in a bit of a cacophony today, You’d rather get fired and move on to better things, that fire people and bear the burden of the bad omen that might befall upon thy… you (got carried away)!

Don’t want go through more break-ups than in your quota? Send your CV’s to

!Hail Monotony!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

# 5 Cinco

Once a batch of monkeys landed at the temple site and began playing with whatever caught their fancy. One of the monkeys saw a partly sawed log of wood and a wedge fixed in it so that it does not close up.
Curious to know what it is, the monkey began furiously tugging at the wedge. At last the wedge came off, not before trapping the legs of the monkey into the rift of the log. Very soon, not able to get his legs out of the closed wood, the monkey died. Before ridiculing my squandering efforts to keep this blog piquant, give me a chance to unravel why I opened this blog with this now seemingly, irrelevant narration. You know who these monkeys represent in the human world?

 The “jobless”

When you’re jobless, you tend to get more curious. Several great minds have already preached the aftermath of an inert mind. You don’t need one more from that pack giving you tidings of joy ;)

But as we all know Curiosity kills the cat and an idle mind is the devil’s workshop! Any person with a decent math acumen can hence conclude that not having a job not only kills you, but you also go to hell! Which sort of defies the whole “self-realization” aka “moksha” funda discussed previously (haha… told ya u have to read em all to get here!). How does this have anything to do with not being in a business you ask, well… when you go back to work tomorrow, observe what the top boss does at work.. NOTHING, they’re jobs are mostly inclined towards the thinking cogitative aspects of business, which is why they leave you to do all the doing. Trust me, they are all going to HELL! (don’t even think of giving my general manager the url of this blog).

So why rack our brain, for something that’s going to lead to no good! Let’s continue to be happy and stick to less thinking and more doing!

Planning to go to heaven eventually? Send your CVs to

!Hail Monotony!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

#4 Cuatro

In my part of the world the weekend was rounded off today. It feels really odd to come to work, when the rest of the world is putting up statuses (notice what the world has come to, and how the need to ask “whatsup?” has been completely eliminated) on how they are all snug as a bug in a rug and how they cannot think of going to work tomorrow? Well, we in this part of the terrene, we live one day in future, well, at least in terms of mojo (or the lack of it).

Talking about motivation, my fourth reason to lure you towards a job is just that! We’ve all heard about the a famous psychological supposition of Maslow’s theory of Hierarchy of Needs (and I’m pretty sure those who haven’t are googling it right about now…). Well, Uncle Maslow clearly set for us various levels of motivation (diagram below), that having a decent job fulfills at its respective elevations in due time in its precise manner.

Maslow's Theory of Hierarchy of Need's (Dizzee bee style)

Business people defy this theory hands down! Their catalysts begin and end at money which in an employee’s world is only a peripheral concept that is fulfilled in the first month itself. Too much of anything is never good! A businessman doesn’t care about safety and security, living on risks comes as a part of his “job description”. No one loves their boss, love and affection are out of the question too! How much respect and appreciation can you give a boss??! And if he had the want or need to “self-actualize” (which is the purpose of our whole blog in the first place) he’d be at his 9-5 right now! And not worrying about “decent numbers” at the end of the last quarter!

So if you’re considering business, for earning money, why not get a job, fulfill it at the mount and move on to deeper things!

Looking to sell your Ferrrari one day?? Send your CVs to

Thursday, October 13, 2011

#3 Tres

Wow! I have never blogged for four days in a row ever before! Probably because I dint have a motive (yup I do have one this time), or probably because I dint get the encouragement I needed to keep going (I have that too this time!). So this stylus is dedicated to that special person, who reads every one of my blogs, points out every word I wrote wrong and encourages me to write more. *big hug*
Ok! The mush is now getting heavy handed, so I’m going to get right to the point.

Prate and Prattle is an imperative part of every office vigor. Although unconsciously, everyone craves a bit of bad mouthing about fellow rivals and seniors (doing that about you’re juniors too?? Real Mature!). Well my point is, although its looked down upon, every one enjoys it! Gossip is like Chocolate, No one wants to have it… but everyone craves it. Imagine you’re the big guy, you have a commodious office, with top notch executives for employees. You enter and everyone salutes and greets you. The moment you enter your cabin, the bad mouthing resumes. And guess what? Mostly about you! Its lonely at the top is an old saying, but what is written in small font, is that when you look down you can see tiny little lilliputs debasing you. No one wants that!

Someone really smart once said "Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas. “(Well it was originally Eleanor Roosevelt, but it takes a smart one to quote it too!).  
But those are the smart witty ones, the ones who enjoy Frank Sinatra, Top Gear, Massimo Dutti! Not us!

So let’s just stay at the bottom, induce new gossip and grapevine into work and maintain spice in our lives!

Looking for a hangout to gossip? Send your CVs to

! Hail Monotony!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

#2 Dos

Ok now the best part of this blog is that you have to read the previous posts if you want to keep going! (Well good for me!). So now that we know that being the big boss gets you nowhere, let’s learn our next lesson.
I read a line somewhere once; it said “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” If you’re not cut out for something, you’re better off not doing it. Contrary to the popular saying practice does not make a man perfect, it just makes him old and bored. Today, with the given economic master plan, we don’t have time to run trial and error ways, well, atleast not unless you’re Late Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg, and you’ll definitely make it right in the first or second time. So it doesn’t matter if you’ve played in your dads office as an infant or aced your business paper with unprecedented scores, you’re probably a good athlete or a big time geek, it says nothing about your business acumen! Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. So if you have the slightest doubts about your capacity as a tycoon, its probably not worth wasting the time and giving it a shot. You can't lead a cavalry if you think that you look funny riding a horse.

Look at the brighter side… You’ll probably make more money going to work regularly, impressing the godfather and accumulating a thick gratuity for your kids.

Looking for a job?? Send ur CVs to

!Hail Monotony!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

#1 Uno

Well I dint title my advantages for a reason! No one reads ahead if they don’t find the heading interesting! In this way you have to read till the end to smile! ;) (And with a full time job and other addendums that are ornamenting my life currently, I don’t have time for both a heading and an advantage a day!J), so I’m hereby going to help everyone learn Spanish numbers.

What’s the first thing that crosses your mind when you think of your own business? Take a minute…
Well if ambition, dream and independence are a few of the runes you thought of, at the risk of sounding a little rude, I’d say go take a walk. While all these ideas sound very nice in poems, actually managing a business is a completely contrary hoopla. Managing the paperwork is going to be the least of your issues. It’s handling the fervor and frenzy that comes beneath it that is the rocket science, and definitely not everyone’s cup of tea!

So now that you have rethought, the first word that should come to your mind is “Responsibility”. You own a business. Bam! You are hereby responsible not only for yourself but for all of your sycophants, and their respective families as well. You have no big daddy to ask!

Ever heard of the saying “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. “? Well it’s true! Who you going to blame it on when something goes wrong and you’re the boss? No-one but yourself! So wake up tomorrow, thank god (ancestors if you’re Chinese) that you have a godfather, and head to work with a big smile.

Looking for one?? Send ur CVs to

!Hail Monotony!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Revamping the Mundane!

I recently came across a website called (Name withheld for privacy reasons), created by a bunch of kids who call themselves “pro-leisure” and “anti-wage slavery”.  The entire concept was to come up with convincing ideas as to why the classic 9-5 calling is not the smartest idea mankind has come up with. While this thought goes really well with a cup of coffee on a lazy Sunday afternoon, when you have no plans and reading silly ideas is the most nonpareil shtick you can think of, it doesn’t seem too pragmatic on the 31st, when those out-of-the-box ideas fail to guarantee you a constant income.

So here’s an answer to all those out there who think working for your self is a much better option than working for someone else… forever! Yes, I am by means of this supporting the fact the working for a company in a lot of ways more expedient than dominion on a business. This blog is dedicated to proving to you on a regular basis, that you are not doing the wrong thing, by waking up, dressing yourself up and dragging yourself to a place that some refer to as dungeons of slavery. The “job” has been casted down as an unprofitable, dull, flat, fruitless, futile, stale, uninspiring for the lack of better words, and I am taking up the herculean task of bringing back its glory!

!Hail Monotony!