Sunday, October 30, 2011

Seven Deadly Sinners – The fire breathing Dragons

There was a man who’s name was Ire,
All he did was blow steam and fire,
He could not stand astray, be it the lazy, the cheat or the liar!
He loved his job so much, nothing else he deemed require.

One fine day he woke and found himself all alone,
He looked around and found no Jane or Joan.
He did not know whether to scream or groan.
So Ire directed his entire wrath to his own!

We all know someone at work with a short temper. There are two types of people who fall under the wrath category. The first type in this pigeonhole is the highly dramatic. They enjoy screaming and shouting (at least in seems that way). Although they tend to frighten you more, these are the lesser harmful of the two. ‘Dogs that bark do not bite’, Ok! So I used a lame dialogue from a B grade Bollywood flick! But you have to go to the coal mines to find the diamonds (ok redundancy is not a sin!). Making a public scene is almost a reason these people wake-up with a smile in the morning (it all boils down to that doesn’t it?).

The second type of wrath is the more silent but dangerous of the lot.
Almost psychopathic!
 These people fulminate inside, but don’t show it. They do not vent anger. They Pile it up and all this pent up energy then turns into a “grudge” which is held against you for the rest of your life (ok! Rest of your life in the company). Several lacerations are now dispensed in minute but significant amounts at regular intervals. (Yes! Like a chemical formula)

 There is no way of dealing with either of these personalities but to accept and live with it. But they are always fun to watch when you are not a victim of their highly extreme emotions.  

Never endured wrath? Send your Cvs to

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Seven Cardinal Workplace Personalities

Project 2, will be a combined effort. Apparently I’ve propagated a couple of Shakespeare and Tolstoys into the blogosphere (which I’m mostly proud of!). I’m only worried the Frankenstein I’ve created is much better than me. And so I’m going to Capitalize on that fear and Enter into this blogaboration with Jack (name withheld for Privacy reasons).

Project Dos (If you read the previous blogs u know what that means!) is the workplace version of the Seven Cardinal Sins! While this phrase seems like these characteristics in a person would generally be frowned upon, every office definitely has seven such “deadly” characters. Each one of us has interacted with all seven of these characters at work. For all you know you are probably one of these stooges.

The next few articles will cover in detail each of these characters namely, wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. We don’t give any advice on how to tackle them, or win their hearts, that’s something you’ll have to figure out yourself. Ours is just a reflection of reality (or atleast its what we think it is).

So Without any further adieu we present to you “The Seven Cardinal Workplace Personalities”

Don’t know even one of these characters? Send your CV to

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

# 9 Ennia

(The below article is not by me... its by someone i look up to and have oodles of respect for! I couldn't think of a better way of wrapping this project up! Thank you Jack)

For a Grande finale I have decided to change the tempo and get back to basics … Greek numerals seemed fitting and no 9 an apt culmination of commandments (the nine muses as per the Greek mythology!) rather than the conveniently biblical no 10!  

 I have always found myself awestruck with Greeks; mythology, culture, food, and habits… What any semi-intellectual can tell you is that the origin of almost any modern English word is Greek. To me, the most remarkable Greek lingual invention is the list of phobias! Apparently, they came up with words to represent any fear you could possibly imagine, including Allodoxaphobia which stands for fear of opinions, and Papaphobia referring to fear of the pope (which is very understandable for a Greek!).

What strikes me odd is the fact that a populace of gay lovers who invented a list of phobias managed to rule half of the globe for many centuries, and still had the time to come up with the longest acknowledged stories in known history and pass it on through generations!  How did they do that!? THEY HAD DAY JOBS! Whether it was soldiery, farming, prostitution… they rode (literally for the later!) their day jobs and listened to good old Homer later at night!   Think of Spartans and Athenians! Ancient civilizations that shaped the world of today… Each individual knew exactly what his/her role was and they worked in tandem!

Another great Greek culturist accomplishment was the salad! A superb recipe of lettuce, vegetables, and light feta cheese, with a boring vinaigrette dressing! You can see the CHEESE, you can taste the CHEESE, you can enjoy the CHEESE, but you can still have it for dinner and sleep like a baby! Comparing that to the extra cheesy roman pasta recipes, you might start getting my point (or not, so I will spoonfeed!). Try having macaroni and cheese for dinner! Italian CHEESE makes you insomniac, but that doesn’t matter when you are Italian coz you do not have to wake up in the morning! You can be 35 with big dreams driving your daddy’s Alfa Romeo and planning to open your deli or shoe store and never have to work again for CHEESE!

Back to lingual, Insomnia is derived from another phobia, Somniphobia! Unsurprisingly, this is the only phobia that was not originated by the Greeks, rather by Romans referring to Somnus, the Roman god of sleep.
For all medicinal laymen, it is worth noting that the long term downbeat effects of Insomnia have been scientifically proven to be deteriorating to your health and general wellbeing!    

In a nutshell, stick to your day jobs, enjoy your CHEESE (the kind that makes you sleep at night), and sleep with the gods of Olympus smiling down at you!

If you want to sleep at night, send your CVs to

All hail Zeus!

Monday, October 24, 2011

#8 Ocho

I was just reading my “Exploring the International Business Environment” course book and I came across a para… (Well… it was the first para)
A famous scene in the film Lawrence of Arabia illustrates the typical managerial responses often observed when companies face an unknown or changing situation. While Lawrence and a fellow traveler rest in the desert, a tiny dot becomes visible on the horizon, growing larger as it approaches. At this stage, the horizon seems far away, but they do not know what the spectre is and their curiosity holds them. They watch, and wait. They hardly speak, they just stand there, not knowing what to do about the approaching phenomenon. Eventually, the unknown object is recognized: a man approaching on a camel. Still, the uncertainty continues, as the man’s identity is a mystery. They remain fixed, not knowing who it is or what they should do. Finally, Lawrence’s fellow traveler, suspecting that something terrible is about to happen, reaches for his revolver. Before he can lift it, the unknown man shoots him. Walking over to the body, he says: ‘He’s dead.’

Lawrence replies: ‘Yes … why?’

Though it had nothing to do with my scope of exhortation with regards to this blog, it struck me as an interesting debate to convince you people of one more point that we can give to having a job. As clear as dishwater as it is this entire para apparently tried to convey the message of ambiguity (in more ways than one for sure =P). That’s how the life of a businessman is… vague… with regards to the economy, his future, his products hell evens his employees! Those clearly mapped out daily, weekly and monthly targets don’t look so bad any more now do they?? 

Want a lucid future? Send your CV’s to

Sunday, October 23, 2011

# 7 Siete

So advancing the mise-en-scene of “heart breaks”, here’s a more obvious advantage of being in a job as opposed to being in a business!

The human mind works in odd ways. The more taboo a certain act is considered, the more the mind is ambushed towards contesting it. In this instance the taboo would be office romance. Having crushes at your workplace is more than habitual. Considering you spend 50% of your day there (and the other 50% worrying about it), it would be odd if you weren’t attracted to someone or the other at some point of time.

But what happens when the crush is mutual? It leads to an affair. And as the Murphy’s Law holds, a break-up is almost certain (call me a pessimist… But I have my statistics in place!). Distance makes the heart fonder but absence makes the heart wander! The best way to get over a break up is to avoid eye contact (or in some cases vocal contact)! Now the situation gets extremely awkward if you’re working together and you have to look at each other for official reasons.
Having a job gives you an extra edge here… Coz you can just quit and go look for another job. What will you do if you own the business? Fire your ex (you apathetic creep?)? Close the business down? All these sound to me like ivory tower options that in most cases cannot be carried out at ease!

So go out there and have an affair to remember! Coz you always have an exit strategy!! ;)

Looking for a new job coz you just broke up?? Send your CV’s to

#6 Seis

Notice how so many people keep going on and on about being heart-broken these days? To me the entire concept of clich├ęd sad love songs, ice cream and romantic movies seems extremely corny and unoriginal! If you were actually “heart-broken” you’d be DEAD! So wake up, get real and MOVE ON!

Most of us have had experiences in break-ups! You’ve definitely been at the receiving end in most cases, and at the giving end in some apparently fortunate cases. Well the moment of delivering the news is probably the most tormenting of the entire process. Firing someone from a job can be considered an utterly similar course, if not more painful.

 If you’re the owner, more often than not, you’ll have to do the “dirty job” of firing someone at some point or the other. Then there’s a lot of cursing and drama that follows! And all you can possibly do is nod your head in agreement or throw in an “I understand”, the remotest negativity can get you labeled an “apathetic fool” all your life (at least until your business lasts – considering ur firing people doesn’t seem like you have a lifetime anyways).

So keeping it really short and simple this time… Coz the frontal lobe of the extremely unique brain is in a bit of a cacophony today, You’d rather get fired and move on to better things, that fire people and bear the burden of the bad omen that might befall upon thy… you (got carried away)!

Don’t want go through more break-ups than in your quota? Send your CV’s to

!Hail Monotony!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

# 5 Cinco

Once a batch of monkeys landed at the temple site and began playing with whatever caught their fancy. One of the monkeys saw a partly sawed log of wood and a wedge fixed in it so that it does not close up.
Curious to know what it is, the monkey began furiously tugging at the wedge. At last the wedge came off, not before trapping the legs of the monkey into the rift of the log. Very soon, not able to get his legs out of the closed wood, the monkey died. Before ridiculing my squandering efforts to keep this blog piquant, give me a chance to unravel why I opened this blog with this now seemingly, irrelevant narration. You know who these monkeys represent in the human world?

 The “jobless”

When you’re jobless, you tend to get more curious. Several great minds have already preached the aftermath of an inert mind. You don’t need one more from that pack giving you tidings of joy ;)

But as we all know Curiosity kills the cat and an idle mind is the devil’s workshop! Any person with a decent math acumen can hence conclude that not having a job not only kills you, but you also go to hell! Which sort of defies the whole “self-realization” aka “moksha” funda discussed previously (haha… told ya u have to read em all to get here!). How does this have anything to do with not being in a business you ask, well… when you go back to work tomorrow, observe what the top boss does at work.. NOTHING, they’re jobs are mostly inclined towards the thinking cogitative aspects of business, which is why they leave you to do all the doing. Trust me, they are all going to HELL! (don’t even think of giving my general manager the url of this blog).

So why rack our brain, for something that’s going to lead to no good! Let’s continue to be happy and stick to less thinking and more doing!

Planning to go to heaven eventually? Send your CVs to

!Hail Monotony!